Clarity

Clarity is a strange thing.

I guess I am learning that it doesn't come by being sought after.  Rather, it comes through unexpected means. 

For the last few months, I thought I was "finding my voice" as some call it.  I thought I would find healing in talking about the things that happened.  I thought it would make things better to open up my heart and share.

But it didn't.  Sharing tragedy only causes more pain because when you share, you have now dumped your pain on others....and instead of just 1 person being in pain, now there are 2 or 3 or more.  The pain isn't diminished, it is only multiplied.  This serves no good purpose.

I will never again speak of the things that happened to me.  I am glad that I only put a small speck out there in the public eye.  I shudder to think of the damage that would have been done if I had just spewed the whole truth. 

There are lessons to be learned in this class called Life.  I feel like a 1st grader.  I am not educated enough to know what is safe and what is not safe.  I thought perhaps I could launch out into the ocean of freedom and transparency...but I have learned that the shore is the safest place to be if you aren't a good swimmer....and if you are afraid of water...and you don't have a life preserver.  Best to just stay on shore and let the others head out to sea.